#1 Oct 2003

1 So we live in a big old house. Of course its haunted, duh. Mostly the ghosts leave us alone, but when they choose to make their presence known, they have a such a charming way of doing it... They assault our noses with otherworldly stenches. Typically, a spook will posses the body of a house occupant, causing that person to break wind. Last night, however a decidedly fishy odor emerged from the nether-regions of the house; in spite of a diligent investigation, its origins could not be pin-pointed. Such an ambient stenchiness has not existed in the house since last winter, leading to speculation that the chilly temperatures make the ghosts cross. Perhaps the blankets, scares, hats, mittens, coats, legwarmers, and one-piece care bear costumes that the living occupants of the house use to keep the frost bit at bay do not exist in the spirit world. Perhaps our fleshless friends are left to shiver in their ethereal rags when room temp dips into the fifties. Perhaps those noxious odors are their subtle way of saying "TURN ON THE FUCKING HEAT!" The End

#2

Ok, so if you live in this house even if its just for a week your spirit is doomed to come back as a herpe aka creepy crawly aka house centipede aka scutigera coleoptrata (see illustration) and wander the house for ever and ever and there’s nothing you can do about it. Ha Ha. The End.